kids

I was taking a nice walk today with the wife. The signs of Spring were everywhere and the sight of the crocuses and the warmth in the air was uplifting and rejuvenating. It seems like we have survived another winter despite all of the woe that the events of family, clients and the world have heaped upon us.

As we walked we passed parks full of kids and their parents tossing balls up and back. We passed a father and his young son involved in an earnest conversation. We saw other families riding their bicycles together, complete with fancy gear and arrow shaped helmets.

Also, one of our local towns was highlighted on the front page of the NY Times today for the kind of pressure that is felt by talented, smart, attractive high school girls.

It has been a long time since I was fifteen, and although the houses and the neighborhoods we walked through have probably not changed much during that time, the prices of the houses has probably increased by almost twenty times. And partly, as a result of this, being a kid seems to have become much more difficult.

For kids, the pressure to know things, to learn how to do things, to master things, and to be able to express yourself has increased as much as the home prices. School, sports, dating. clothes, information, social interactions, the use of computers, cell-phones, video, video games, sports equipment, training programs, learning programs, rankings of schools, rankings of students, rankings of athletics is a constant in their lives. The use of good drugs, of bad drugs, of performance enhancing drugs, of mind expanding drugs, of mood altering drugs is part of their world. The number of divorced families, of blended families, of single parent families, of same sex parents, of lots of sex parents, of early sex in kids, has added lots of information, lots of choices, and lots of pressures for children to define themselves and make choices much earlier than before.

What I didn't see too much of was groups of kids, on their own, playing their own games, with no parents helping to organize it. I remember when spring meant going off at nine in the morning with a glove and a bat, and coming home at six, tired and dirty after playing 147 inning with other 10 to 14 year-olds who showed op at the park. We would play, make rules, argue a bit and then settle the argument so we could play some more.

Yes, I had to do some homework, and some of my friend had to practice the piano, but the intensity was not there. We were kids first and only. The day was just that day in time. It was not part of the plan for the all-important future. I had to learn how to read and write, add and subtract. I didn't have to be published by fifteen, or an Eagle Scout, a community organizer, a musical soloist, a computer programmer, or have two patents pending.

In my practice this week I will see five or six adolescents or young adults. Half of them come to me because they have been affected by the pressure and have anxiety disorders or eating disorders. Half are coming because they, or their parents have felt long ago that they couldn't compete in this environment, so they gave up and dropped out. They are lost in video games, music and pot.

In a large part this is due to economic factors. Everything is so expensive, and jobs are more specialized. There is less time to be carefree and still have the confidence that everything will work itself out in time. The fear is that the train leaves the station earlier and earlier and if you don't have the skills to get on you will be hopelessly left behind. In the near future their may not be good jobs for everybody, and this country is terrible when it comes to sharing and taking care of each other.

That will have to change or a carefree childhood will soon be over by five years-old.
And that won't make for happy people and a fun country. And what we need now, more than ever, are happy people and a fun country.