I have talked about this before, and it still kind of amazes me.
Over the last two days I have spent six hours talking to people who openly admit they are in terrible relationships. Not just bad, but terrible. Relationships full of lies, deception, humiliation, infidelity, stealing, constant degradation, and worse.
None of them have to endure actual physical abuse -- "I wouldn't stand of that!" they all say.
But there is no evidence they wouldn't, because they stand for everything else.
Yet, to actually leave such a relationship is very difficult. Neither party wants to be together, they both at times will say they despise the other, but no one can break it off.
None of these couples come to me together. In all of these six cases I only see one person. If they would come together things would come out in the open and something would be resolved. Both parties know this, so they don't come together.
The reasons they keep this torture going are countless, and different for each person. But they are very powerful. They include an overwhelming fear, of rejection, abandonment, of loss, of failure, of loneliness, and of being a loser.
In most cases, once they leave, they regret that they had not done so sooner. But they don't know that now.
Many insurance companies give us eight sessions to deal with all of this. It's a great system.
3 comments:
That's ok. Just as long as everyone is clearly aware of the payoff. Most of us do know that we shouldn't be here, but we are too fixated on "what's wrong with me" instead of "why am I staying." (Sounds the same, it's not.)
This amazes me. I know the whole what's wrong with me routine, but appartently not well enough...because this would never, ever do. If any of these were my kids, it would never do, either. Such a messed up world we live in, but I guess that is why you have a job. :) And I mean no offense here, Therapist. It just amazes me at times.
My 16 year old daughter once told me that I should seriously desist from seeking counseling to resolve my issues with her older sister and my significant other because "when you go to therapy you say things that you normally wouldn't say and if the other person's in denial, the situation only gets worse".
Based on past and recent experience, I have to agree at least partially with her because it's also my own denial that caused me to seek therapy in the first place, instead of acting on what I instinctively know should be done.
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