I am leaving for a few weeks away. It is August after all, and enough is enough. I expect it may give me more time to scribble things here, or perhaps I will just calmly float away and not be disturbed by anything.
One word before I go. A lesson I learned a long time ago, continues to prove itself over and over.
Never ask a human a "why" question, especially about his/her own behavior. It's great in science to ask "why" of the world and the universe, but if you ask "why did you do that?" or really --"What the fuck were you thinking?!?! The answer you get will be meaningless, distorted and wrong.
It's the job of the therapist to figure out the motivations, causes, and conditions that precipitated the action. Then, together, you can figure out what to do, and how to make that happen.
Yes, it is often interesting to hear the reasons people think up to explain what they did. Sometimes the reasons are very clever, and can cover a lot of ground. But it's all in hindsight, and it's usually only to make the person feel good, or at least rational.
But we know better.
Now, why did I write all this?
2 comments:
Good advice! You are so right. That question gets you nowhere.
Enjoy your time off.
I just had to revisit this. Your advice to never ask someone why they did something really hit home today. I just did something really stupid. I started eating a bag of mini Butterfingers that I bought yesterday, telling myself it was to give away a Halloween, only to end up finishing the whole bag less than an hour ago. Naturally, I don't feel too well and might get a migraine, to boot, from too much chocolate. When I asked myself why I did this, "Myself" hadn't an answer. Not a clue.
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