I'm back.

I'm starting to write about new things.  The past was prologue.  

I'm putting some test drafts here for the 20 of your to read.  I have not done anything to broaden the readership of this blog, but that may happen.  We'll see.

Something’s Happening Here

1. Realization

Way back In the Spring of 2012 I was sitting across across from  Carrie, an attractive, articulate, sixteen year-old young woman.  She had come to me because she was having panic attacks. These attacks often came when she was studying for exams at school.  She said sometimes she felt as if her head was going to explode, and at other times that she couldn’t breathe.  Carrie spoke in a very animated fashion about how difficult it was for her to maintain her excellent grades and still keep up with the constant influx from her social connections.  As she spoke her voice cracked a little and her dark hair fell in front of her dark eyes that would fill, but not overflow with tears.  Her parents, Sandra and Joyce, were sitting in my waiting room, while her friends, many of them, were wondering where she was and why she was not answering their text messages that were making her phone ping every thirty seconds.

I have been a psychotherapist for over forty years and have been closely involved in thousands of people’s lives, yet that was the memorable moment when it became undeniably obvious to me that I was living in a new world; a world that is not only creating changes in how we all live, it is creating changes in who we all are. Changes that will alter the basic make-up of our species,.

The changes are technological, environmental, genetic, and societal.  The most powerful changes are the result of how all of those factors interact.  This new world will increasingly require  people to learn different skills in order to adapt and succeed.  Many of the ways of thinking and acting that were adaptive and helpful two or three generations ago, are no longer useful; others are now counter-productive. The time and effort that our ancestors needed to learn how to hunt or to grow for food has been replaced by knowing how to talk to Siri or an Amazon Echo.

Our grandparents lived in a world that was very different from the one that their grandparents lived in.  The early twentieth century was a time of change, especially compared to the early nineteenth century. It was a time of significant industrial and mechanical advances. The pace of that change has continued to increase so that now, in the early twenty-first century, we live with constant change.  We expect it to continue. But as we are changing the world, the world is changing us. 

For thousands of years the personalities, beliefs, and behaviors of all people have been shaped by the same basic forces: our genetics, then our families, then our communities, and we are all also limited or enhanced by our general health.

Who we all are, as individuals, begins with our own genetic structure, 99.9% of which we share with every other member of our homo sapiens family. We are all the product of millions of years of evolution. All human babies are born with the genetic scripts that have been passed from generation to generation, with occasional mutations, for two-hundred thousand years. 

Next, we are all plunked into a family grouping, whatever shape  takes:  two parents, a tribe, a refugee camp, a single parent, a mother and a sperm donor, whatever.  This “family” immediately begins to teach us their version of how the world works.  We all quickly begin to understand how we are expected to behave in order to get what we need.. We have to adapt to that specific environment to survive.  Babies are very dependent so we all had to learn fast.

The third powerful influence on our behavior is the community, the subculture in which we find ourselves as we emerge into the world.  This consists of our friends, our school, our church, our neighborhood, our diet, the climate,  and all of the experiences that we find outside of our family, which now, of course, includes all of the Internet and social media.

These three factors interact with each other to shape us all. To this mix of influences we have to add our health.  If we are strong and robust we can partake in much of what we wish.  If we have a major illness or deformity, our lives will be different, not worse necessarily, but different. If we are obviously different in some way it will cause many people to react to us differently. Most people will be kind and helpful, but others will be mean, many will just look away.  We, in turn, will react to their reactions to us. Everything interacts.

Combined, these influences shape what we  believe, and how we think, feel and act.  It has been this way since our ancestors first walked upright and formed groups.

To me, Carrie is the symbol of how these basic, long-standing forces are beginning to change. The pace of these changes will only increase.  Carrie was conceived in a petri dish.  An egg was taken from one of her mothers and fertilized with sperm from an anonymous man who was selected from a profile in a data base.  Her parents were not allowed to be married at the time, but they were living together. As soon as the law was changed they got married. Carrie has a little brother now, and they all live in a happy, caring family.  The community in which Carrie lives accepts her family without question. These are circumstances that her grandparents would not have believed possible.

The visit with Carrie happened in 2012, and already so much from that time seems out of date. This is mainly due to new technologies, and to the new scientific knowledge that these technologies have helped us acquire.  The aspects of Carrie’s life that seemed unusual then are commonplace and well accepted now. In just the past few years there  have been changes in all of the basic powerful forces.  There has been constant scientific advances in our understanding our own genetics., many new variations in the definition of a family; major shifts in demographics and composition of societies around the world, and significant advances in medicine.

All of these changes have affected the expectations of how Carrie will live her life. The skills she is learning, and how she learns them, are changing.   Her life will be vastly different than the life I lived, growing up in the middle of the twentieth century.  All of these things are not only changing how people behave, they are changing our DNA, our bodies and our minds.  Some of it is intentional; most of it is not.  The more we all are aware of what is happening to us, the better prepared we will be to make good use of the changes we feel are beneficial.  We also need to stay vigilant,so that we can avoid the ones we don’t wish to have thrust upon us.

Questions:

1. Do you know anyone who has two mothers or two fathers?

What do think of it?  How old are you?

Are there some kinds of family combinations that would make you uncomfortable?

Polygamy?  Three fathers with six children?

2, Take a look at yourself in a mirror.

Are you White?  Do you realize how that has affected your life?

Are you tall?  Well endowed? Have a symmetrical face?

3, How close are you to the members of your family?

Do you feel you have absorbed their values, or have you explicitly rejected them?

4.  What is your favorite piece of digital equipment?

How long have you had it?

When will you need to replace it?

Did you think you needed it before you learned there was one?