Agreeing with Amanda

Hey, don't get me wrong either, I'm not actually complaining that I have too much time and enough money.
I'm just saying that it's weird.

I've worked pretty hard most of my life.  I can't say I worked very hard. There are times I know that if I were more persistent, more driven, and more willing to put in the time to network and market, that perhaps I could have been better known, perhaps I could have been one of the "names" in psychology.  I know as much as they do.  I could have constructed a four-box model and written a book about it.

The models I build were mostly sixteen box models, with each box interacting with each other, with varying intensity, which differed under different circumstances.  People thought I was very insightful, but that my stuff was too complex.

True, I said, then I went and played basketball. I played basketball because I really enjoyed playing basketball.  I played basketball until I was 55.  I can still shot pretty well.  But I can't run too well any more, or play defense.

I always thought of myself as a wild guy, with crazy, far out ideas, outlandish perspectives, and novel approaches.  All of this was true in my head.

However the life I led was much more of a tortoise than the hare. As  therapist I tried to get people to anticipate the consequences of their actions, not just for the immediate, but for three, four, five steps ahead.  I really put that into practice for myself.

Generally, more than not, it worked very well.  I avoided doing many stupid things. But I also skipped quite a bit of drama and excitement.  I don't drink too much.  I don't bet on long shots.  I don't get in fights.  I don't jump off cliffs.  I don't expect the chambermaid to do anything but clean the room.

And because of that I'm still married to the same woman.  My kids are great kids, who are married to great people and now are having great kids.

Also, I have been very lucky.  That helps a lot.  I can't take personal credit for luck.  I have been mostly very healthy.  My own parents were nice people who cared about me.  I did one great thing in my life; I was born two years before the baby boomers.  It helped me buy things cheap and sell them for more money.  Schools, jobs, stocks, houses, were easier for me to get because I was ahead of the competition. It made me brilliant!

Now, because of all that, I am settled and comfortable. (too bad)

But life is a process, not a game with a score and a beginning and end.  I have had many clients who were the ne're do well sons of rich families.  They had the money and the opportunity, but they didn't know how to struggles.  They could always chose what they wanted to do.  They often chose to do very little, and they felt very badly about themselves because they felt their lives consisted of one cop-out after another.

I am very fortunate that things have worked out for me.  I have time, health and resources.  I can choose what I want to do.  I want to make that choice.  I don't want to just let it all evolve.

Maybe solving the Israel - Palestine problem is a little out of my reach, but I am still working, and some of the couples I see are just as intractable.

And then I pick up my round-faced little granddaughter and she smiles up and me, and I never want to put her down.

Perhaps, not so extreme

Before I write about why It is good to find a therapist who has some of my views, I would like to make slightly clearer what my views are.  That is why I write this blog anyway, to figure that out for myself.

So, we were driving back, over the weekend, on the coastal route.  We stopped along the way to see a friend, who happens, of all things to be a religious leader.  She is a good friend, and we know and accept each other.  She is even a Yankee fan, and I still call her a close friend.

We arrived at the time she was about to do some religious leading, so we attended.  She was doing an admirable job of leading, and I was not following very closely, but I was turning the pages in the book of prayers.  In the book I came upon a quote, but I can't find the quote anywhere though Google, so I will have to paraphrase it -- but maybe it was just put there for ME to see, or maybe they paraphrased it themselves.

Anyway, it was from Martin Buber, and it said something like:

"If people come to you and ask for help with their troubles, do not say something pious, and tell them to pray, and that God will provide.  Act as if there is no God, and that it is up to you to do all that is in your power to help them solve their problems."

That is the kind of religion I can be comfortable with.

Also, I said that I have a great deal of difficulty with Patriotism, especially when it leads to war.  Well, that is certainly true, but that does not mean that I am necessarily a pacifist.  I strongly believe that every country and every society has more than it's share of assholes.  And that there are people in other countries who do want to blow us up and take our money and rape our women.  We are a rich and aggressive country; so we need to defend ourselves.  Too often we are jerks about it, and do it badly, in the wrong places and for the wrong reasons. But we do need to watch out.


What do I think is important?

Basically, life.  I think that being alive is amazing, and can be full of fantastic, fun and satisfying experiences, sometimes, when it isn't tedious and boring, or it isn't full of pain and suffering.

Life, especially human life, is very precious, and should be treated that way.  No one life is more important than any other.  You have the responsibility of living your life as best as you can, in a way that you have determined.

We are all united by our insignificance --except to ourselves and those we love.