not so helpless anymore

L is a tall woman who is now almost sixty years old. She is still noticeably attractive, and still keeps her hair blonde and stylishly cut. She still receives the attention of men, even though she no longer wants it.
From the age of fifteen, when she first began sneaking out of the house to meet her first boyfriend, men and the hope of love, were the central theme of her life. Each man took over her life, and was possessive, directive and controlling.
She skipped college to get married. When she wanted to work there were terrible argurments, so she stayed home and had children. Eventually, she could no longer stand all the restrictions and the marriage fell apart.
It is not difficult to see what drove her husbands crazy. L still has a kind of helpless, little girl look that floats acros her face when she is upset. Men respnd to that by feeling caring and protective, but the protection comes at a price. The price, which took her forty years to learn, is that she remain dependent, docile, needy and giving. Each time she attempted to grow-up and become independent she ran into conflict. When she spoke about how often they just seemed to want her to play out their sexual fantasies she cried.

Now, she doesn't see the value in being part of a relationship. She finds her looks to almost be detrimental, as they still attract the wrong kind of man. She often shows up for her appointments with wearing sweatshirts, with her hair pulled up under a baseball cap. She has found a job that she can do mostly from home. She has a few women friends, who are almost all divorced, who she meets for coffee. Her ex-husbands either think she is crazy, or they still keep tabs on her because they still feel protective, and still want her back -- if she will give up her independence.
L won't do that now. She is struggling hard to finally define for herself who she is. It is not easy after all these years of being defined by other people. Sometimes she is lonely. Sometimes she is afraid that she really can't take care of herself. But mostly she cherishes her freedom. Finally.