Us, Together 2

Of course, not everyone has endured the kind of treatment that Judy has. Most parents are much better, and most really care and want the best for their children. Yet, I see people, in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who still feel scarred by what their parents did or didn't do to them. A personal coldness, an judgmental atmosphere, or even the opposite, of parents doing too much or expecting too little, sometimes can have what seem to be a huge impact.

I saw a 57 year-old woman last week who came in crying because her 37 year-old son called her on Christmas to tell her what a rotten mother she had been. He reeled off examples from when he was seven, ten and thirteen. Now, he is quite successful and seemingly established in his own life. She has no idea why he needs to express these feelings now.

She knows she wasn't perfect. She also knows that she really didn't get much help from the boy's father, who just forgave everything the kid did. She also knows that she tried to do the best she could, and he never seems to recognize that.

It would probably help if this man had children of his own. That would allow him to see how difficult it is to make decisions about when to be tough and when to console.

But, again, I bring this up to illustrate how relationships are overwhelmingly the driving force in anyone's life. We have entered a time when we are offered biological explanations for all of out moods and behaviors. Chemical imbalances or genetic irregularities are taking the blame for anyone who deviates from being pleasant.

That ain't what's happening. If your mother, your boyfriend or your boss isn't happy with you, you will feel it and react, in one way or another. You also have the power to bring joy, sorrow, support or anxiety into another person's life. We are all doing all of these things, all of the time.

Even now, in our little community of bloggers, we have already established a new kind of virtual supportive relationships.

It's a new world, but we are in it for the same basic reasons.