As time goes by

I don't really care about the newest direction my profession is taking. Yes, everything is chemical and biological and if we regulated our chemicals our lives would be pleasant and smooth. But what is it that puts all of our brains and body chemicals our of whack?

80% of all difficulties begin with our intimate relationships. We struggle with the ones we love: our partners, our children, our parents. We want them to love us, we want them to do for us, and they should behave as we want, as well as respect and appreciate us.

Of course, they want that from us. And so the struggle begins.

These examples are just from today:

Jack, 75, came to see me last year. he and the woman he had lived with for six years had split up because her 45 year old son caused too many problems. He realized she wasn't going to take him back. That took two session. On Tuesday he came in telling me that he was having difficulty trusting his new girlfriend, who is only 60. But he was falling for her. Today he called in a panic. I think the feelings are not as mutual as he had hoped.

Ed, who has panic attacks, came in today with his wife Judy. They are in their late 50s. They have been together since they were teenagers. That is except for the few years that she was married to someone else. The truth is, they were together then also. They screamed at each other lovingly for the whole hour.

A new couple, Mike and Rose came in. They have been together 12 years. Mike is very successful. He runs a very profitable business. Rose is really movie-star gorgeous. But, they have had sex eight times over the last nine years. She says she can understand why he is upset, (yes, I could understand why he is upset, especially sleeping next to her). But, she told him, he shouldn't take it personally. Sex just isn't her thing. Then she really tore him to shreds for being so angry at her. She told him that his anger is certainly not going to solve the problem -- which is true.
But, when pushed, they both said they wanted the marriage and they still cared about each other. This will get complicated; that's all I can say at this point.

Paul and Nancy are in their mid-thirties and have been married for two years. a first marriage for each. It's time to have a baby. But, are we ready? Do we really love each other enough? What about all our arguments, and the fact that her father abandoned the family and his mother went nuts? How do we know for sure?

So, I head off to the long weekend dazzled by these thoughts of love and romance. May we all live happily ever after.