It's tough to admit that your wife is gay. Even after twenty-five years she won't admit it. But now that the kids are gone, and you notice she is never home on the weekends. She is out "shopping" with the same girlfriend that she takes vacations with. She goes away with her for two different weeks each year. She has for as long as you've been married. But she doesn't go away with you. Never did.
If you bring up that you'd like to spend time with her, she gives you a look like she isn't even sure she is coming to your funeral. It's tough to think of leaving when your sixty and you've been together this long. You can see that you were never really close, and the sex, what there was of it, stopped ten years ago. There once was a job that kept you really busy, and the kids were around, and they were fun, but now that the job is ending and the kids are gone, you notice that you're sitting there, alone, with your glass of beer and the football game.
The choices aren't good: Financial hardship in your old age, or beer and football, alone in the dark.
Go Pats?
6 comments:
Perhaps its time to make his own life and remain "roomates" with children and grandchildren in common? If a parting is financially unfeasible, reconciliation is impossible then perhaps this could be a workable solution.
Ya know, I am always amazed at the things folks will close their eyes to, until they are forced to see them. Then, they act so surprised.
Raine has a good solution--if it can be done. ?
Sorry, but beer and football alone in the dark is optional. He has fulfilled his obligations to others, now he can fulfill his obligation to himself, yeah even if he remains married with her. But will he find the strength to do it? Few of us can do it.
Putting off the inevitable conversation about the elephant in the room does neither of them any good. They need to make a plan together -- without shame or blame -- so they both can live the rest of their lives in relative comfort.
While this wasn't his idea of how his senior years would go, better to face it head on while he has the most resources at his disposal. The "why" -- her being gay -- is less relevant than what they need to do now.
The sad reality is that there are many, many heterosexual couples who choose to live the way this couple does - 'til death do them part.
At least this man can blame the demise of his marriage on his wife's proclivities, whereas most people have no one else but themselves to blame for their marital disarray...and that's extactly why they stay past 'the expiration date'.
Either or both might say they stick it out for the sake of the children but nine times out of ten, it's the money. If one of the parties were to chose to 'straighten out the situation' he/she might have a chance at happiness - in or out of the marriage - thus avoiding the rommate option, but since it's so hard to confront one's shortcomings, staying is more often than not the way to 'go'.
As other's have commented, I too believe there is a third choice. At any moment each of us can choose to change the visual lens of our lives.
Maybe it is time for him to take his cue from his wife, find someone to go places with, and find the joy that comes with true companionship. Doesn't have to end the marriage, doesn't have to include sex, just has to be fulfulling to him. Tell him to get busy manifesting a drinking, football buddy and he might show up in time for the superbowl next month.
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