It is my belief that humans are social animals. that is why therapy really works better than medication. Interpersonal relationships, caring, compassion,and understanding, make a huge difference in keeping people healthy and happy.
So when Charlie comes in a tells me how his life is so much better now it is difficult for me to let it go at that. Although I do believe him.
He works from home, leaning over his computer, making sure that the software for some national utility company works and that the seven state region keeps functioning. When he is not on call he goes into his wood shop and carves very beautiful wooden animal replicas. He has showed me pictures.
When he has finished carving, he puts them on the shelves he built, with the two dozen others.
Charlie is married. His wife goes off to work each day. On the weekend she sees her family. He stays home. He cooks. My impression is they say about twenty words a week. If they have sex he's happy.
He has no plans to show anyone his carvings, besides his wife. I get to see the pictures.
The problem for me is that he is such a nice guy. He would hate my saying this, but he is really sweet. People should get to know him. He would like them; they would really like him. He is smart and interesting. At least I think so. I look forward to seeing him.
Yes, his mother left him to run off with the coke dealer,and his father beat him and humiliated him. He was fat and quiet at school and the kids made his life hell. But that was twenty years ago.
He doesn't want to risk it. He is happy where he is.
But he comes to therapy, regularly. He has a real relationship with me. Maybe he will learn from that, or maybe that's enough.
6 comments:
I understand Charlie. It is easier to be alone with things we enjoy that don't judge us.
I always thought I was a loser in high school, because I had few friends. Ends up, two of my three children had only one (true) friend their four years. Either I passed on some type of dysfunction to them or it is simply a choice that some people make to have one good/healthy relationship and not worry about the numbers. I think you are the perfect choice of a healthy relationship if Charlie only wants one Therapist.
I unerstand Charlie too. though our situations are different, they are the same too.
It's enough. It has to be.
Tell Charlie there's many more like him out there. We send our best.
I work with a "charlie". I don't understand him - or his choices, and I really, really try to. He is THE BEST guy. His wife is awful to him. He has no happy home life. He is good at his job, my best salesman, and that is because he is honestly THE BEST guy. He cares about everyone and everything around him...but has no happiness in his life beyond his job. I always want to tell him to run from her and find someone that will appreciate him...that he deserves to be happy, too. But it's not my business of course.
i feel a lot of empathy for that guy., or the version of him you are portraying here at least.
Post a Comment