Last time I wrote a bit about how many people have just missed the boat and are just hanging around, blaming the world.
I read an interesting article by an interesting woman, Dr. Dweck, who happens to be a professor at Stanford. She writes a lot about child raising and success. What she says makes a lot of sense, and she has some research to prove it. It also agrees with something I wrote about a few months ago, so I am even more impressed.
What she says is that if you praise children for being smart, or talented, or in anyway naturally gifted, then you may be doing them some harm.
Americans are much too taken with the idea of I.Q, or some form of innate ability. But, as I said, most people,except for some pretty rare brains, are pretty much the same. The difference comes really in how hard people work at things, and how well they learn to not be frustrated by mistakes.
Dr. Dweck makes a strong case for praising children for their effort, persistence and creativity. It is that skill that will carry them further in the world, and help them through difficult times.
Children, and adults, who are given the impression that they are brilliant or exceptionally talented get to feel that they should not need to work hard; that things should come naturally. Then, if they don't do something well, their bubble pops and they often don't have the skill to keep going.
It is important for kids, and adults, to learn that the process is where the fun is. The challenge of learning, creating, working, problem solving, and over-coming challenges, often after many tries, is where the greatest satisfaction in life lies. Yes, the final achievement is important. But it is always they getting there that makes us feel alive, worthwhile and accomplished.
4 comments:
It's true. I've seen it many times in practice.
And the proverbial light bulb just went off in my head. A little late perhaps, but still. My kids are grown - and each has this issue. From my own stupidity it seems. Swell.
Yes, yes, yes. I am a grandmother. Been short on "frustration tolerance" all my life. I hope I don't transmit this to our grandson. Flying off the handle rarely helps. Feels good at the time :-), but rarely helps. :-(
I've been saying the same thing all along but it takes someone like you - with the proper credentials - to make it stick!
I don't praise my daughters for things that are a given or things they should be doing anyway. In my opinion, it's preferable to skip the compliments so they won't go to their heads and focus instead on encouraging them (even as adults!) to keep their eye on the ball, because it's round, so it will naturally roll, but it's up to us to keep it from rolling away or in the wrong direction...
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and spreading the word about something that many take for granted or ignore: hard work and perseverance are worth far more than a ton of brains or a lot of money.
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