Thinking about my last couple of posting has made some things clearer about what is so compelling and also so difficult about this job.
It becomes clearer at holiday time when I am even busier than usual, both socially, and at work. What becomes clearer is that while I can really enjoy my time off, I often feel that when I am with people, it can be pretty boring. I mean, I like many, if not most of my friends and relatives, and it is good to see them, but in truth, no one has much to say. Or at least they don't say it.
My own kids kid me about the types of questions I ask. What are you doing? What are you reading? What are you listening to? What are you thinking about? What is really going on?!!
Yes, the politics are finally encouraging, the Celtics are doing well, adding the cranberries into the wine and then into the sauce makes it more interesting, but WHO are you and what are you BECOMING?!
Then I go to work and people tell me everything. They tell me things that they don't tell anyone. They tell me things that they have never told anyone. They tell me things that they don't even want to tell themselves. To me, these are the most intriguing and engaging conversations anyone can have.
Today I had a session with a very bright, attractive woman who told me that last night she spent an hour sitting on her kitchen floor with a knife placed just under her heart wondering if she could go through with it. She felt she had done things that if anyone found out about, she couldn't live knowing they knew. Then her husband came home and she jumped up and set the table. Today she went to work and no one had any idea what she had been thinking. She then told me why she had felt so badly.(I'm not going to tell you).
Yesterday I met a new young man who seemed like he had just come in from the wilderness. He had been out of school for two years and had been doing basically nothing but hiding in his room. But six months ago he read something on the Internet that opened an interest in psychology and philosophy and he has been reading and thinking since then. He was incredibly insightful, articulate and self-possessed, and yet he never knew his father and his mother has been screwing with guys in the other room for years, and no one knows how this kid thinks, or even that he can.
Of course there are downsides. These are very one-sided relationships. I realize that. The people I talk to come to me for help. that makes me feel good My friends don't put me in that position, but then, I don't have to help them. The responsibilities are different. But often, I don't need too much contact with people after thirty to forty hours of this. I get all listened out.
I'd rather watch a game.
4 comments:
This is an extremely insightful post, thank you.
I think those are the most engaging conversations too. But, since I'm not a therapist, I only get to have them with a therapist, which means they're about me = much less interesting to me. I'm glad you like your job, because you certainly seem to have your work cut out for you. :)
What a paradoxical situation: those whom you treat provide interesting fodder for thought; friends and family provide less. But you can't have a relationship with the former and the latter isn't really meeting your intellectual needs. So what you tell a patient/client who came to you with this dilemma?
I loved working with young children. Now they will talk and they have amazing things to say, more interesting than most grown ups.
Post a Comment