There has been a big to-do around these parts about several of the 17, sixteen year-old women of Gloucester, MA who got pregnant this spring. It seems that for several of them these pregnancies happened by design and not by the usual kind of lack of planning. The suspicion is that some of the women (girls?) discussed this and planned to have and raise their children together.
I don' know them or what they were thinking, but I do know that in my practice I see three families who have young women, 16, 17 and 18 who are pregnant and who are very intent of keeping their babies.
Now I am not going to enter into a debate about abortion. The point I want to make her is that these young women -- only one of whom has even briefly entered my office to talk about what is going on -- seem to have no real idea of what is going on.
None of them are in a real relationship. All of them have had sex with several different guys. None of the fathers of these pregnancies seem to be taking a real responsible role. One of them cares, one is trying to pull away, and the third father seems to be a mystery.
But, t think that these young women see getting pregnant as the only way they can have something productive to do after they leave high school. They are all from chaotic backgrounds. None of them have had a real or substitute father around for years.
From what I have seen or heard of the women, they could be smart enough to put another kind of life together, but they really either don't know how, don't have the confidence, or don't seem to want to go through the long struggle to get educated, employed, married, settled and give their children a stable home.
In their simplistic form of thinking they feel they can work it backwards. If they have a kid, someone will provide a home, an income, and maybe even a partner.
I don't know. They're not talking. I'm not even sure they are thinking. But I do think it is a refection of what it feels like to be on the losing end of a very competitive, winner-take-all society.
4 comments:
Age is actually irrelevant. Most of them are doing it for the same reasons I did, and I was 24 at the time.
Most of them will continue in that venue. It is just too painful to admit that there are no shortcuts.
They want someone who will love them. Problem is, it doesn't work that way. Most of us don't realize until it is too late babies are selfish little creatures who are the ones who really need the love.
Well said, as always.
I live in Gloucester. Wow, it has been a whirl. The girls and their families have been hounded by paparazzi. It's been upseting to see the vicious, irresponsible way the national press has responded to this matter.
However, it has been a time of introspection for the City. Lots of difficult questions are being asked that don't have ready answers. Apparently, Gloucester's pregnancy rate is being studied. Some folks feel that the location of a family center within the high school campus for teen parents is giving teens ideas. The City of Chelsea had a similiar program, and and found that teen pregnancies spiked when the program was located at the High School. Chelsea moved their teen parent program to an offsite location, and the pregnancy rate returned to normal. Something to think about......
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