pain 2 -- loss of arrogance

I didn't really realize it before, and I'm kind of startled by it, but now that I am going through this pain thing, it's become clear.

Part of what I've learned is how, as a therapist, I've been carrying around an underlying arrogance, and I don't think that's a good thing.

But somehow, even though I have even posted here about how aware I am that one slight random event can completely change your life, I guess I never really thought that would be me. Yes, I was grateful that nothing really terrible had happened to me, but like most people, I attributed it to my own abilities, foresight and planning.

Yes,I am a good, caring and understanding therapist, but I also always somewhat, put on a very subtle display as having a good life. I was in shape, I was financially sound, I have a long-term marriage,and my kids are grown and doing pretty well. I was not yet rich and famous, but perhaps that would come too. I guess, in some ways, I felt I was a good model. But it was also a kind of arrogance. Kind of "see, I can do it, you should do it too -- maybe not just like me, but like you want it.

Now, I've been in pain for six weeks. This is the kind of thing that is common, and happens to everyone, but it still isn't really over, and it has been very limiting and debilitating. Now, I can show that I can stand the pain and the adversity. I have many clients who have much worse and more chronic conditions, but I am still in the midst of mine.

And I don't like it. it sucks, I'm sick of it.I'm getting treatment and improving, but it's slow. I get worried that it won't end, I get tired and irritable.

The severity of what I am going through is also partly my fault because I don't ask for help. That's part of the arrogance. I had always worked these things out myself. A few pills, ice, stretching. So, I just kind of denied, or hid the problem. That was part of the arrogance too. I caoul handle my problems myself.

So, now I'm finished with that. I'm going for help wherever I can find it.

Anyone who can push the magic button will get a big kiss.

They say it will take time. That's what I say to all my clients.

But this is America -- I want to be better now.