Health care --ME

So now it's about me. It's about my health care and what a problem that is.
Why? Because I don't trust our system and I don't really trust doctors, although it's nothing personal.

Despite my best efforts I am getting older. Yes, I feel fine. I go to they gym, my arms are still well defined. Last summer my pitching (lobbing) was superb, and I had my best year at the plate of the last three years.

BUT, if you look at me, I look old(er). My cheeks are falling to where my face would be square if I didn't have the extra chin to make it round. My eyelids are sagging down. The hair I have is silver, but most of it is gone. Nowhere am I confused with Leonardo DiCaprio. Hasn't happened since before he was born.

And now this. I go to the doctor at the urging of some of my family because some of my male friends are reporting problems. I have my PSA taken again. I did it two and half years go and it was high. I had a biopsy then and I was clear. Now I'm back and my PSA is higher. So, after a retest the doctor says we should do another biopsy.

I sounds like a good idea but
1. It isn't fun to have to clean out the canal, have all kinds of machines go in, take pictures and take samples. (This won't hurt that much for too long?)

Also, I have an insurance policy with a big deductible. That means I have to pay everyone. The doctor, the lab, the technicians, the pathologist.

BUT, maybe I have cancer and they will catch it.

BUT, maybe this is a bad test and this is how he makes his money.
Maybe the test will poke too many holes and make me sick.

It bothers me, because I was feeling fine.
I can see how people who are really sick, or sick for a while, or who think they may be or will be, get depressed.

The idea of cancer kind of hangs there like the smell of strong cheese. And this is treatable. I have about four friends who have been zapped or had the gland plucked out. But I can feel some of my energy and joy fade away under this cloud.

The idea of sickness and death is not appealing, not fun, and I like fun.

But we are human, and we are mortal.
Tough.