When Paul turned twelve his mother brought him to see me. It took about eleven seconds to see that this kid had problems. He had been an angry kid long before his father left home with another guy. There had always been tension in the home, but Paul's problems were more complex than that. This kid was wired so tight he couldn't express himself. He stared at me and occasionally mutter "no" or "I don't know." After about twenty minutes of our first meeting he just got up and left.
His mother brought him because he had just been thrown out of Jr. High for calling his teacher a fag.
I sought more intensive help for him. The insurance wouldn't pay for a hospital evaluation because he wasn't that much of a threat. A psychiatrist gave him medicine he wouldn't take. I send him to a children's medical team but they found they couldn't work with him because he wasn't cooperative.
That's the problem I said; it's not a reason to discharge him.
A year later he got thrown out of school for telling the principal to fuck off.
DSS got involved. They did a home visit. They got the school to give him special classes. They paid for his therapy; an hour a week with me. He told his mother he liked me. He told me that he hated everyone. They were idiots. He couldn't explain why. Not a great therapy candidate.
Three months later he got arrested. He got a lawyer. I asked the lawyer to get him a full psych eval and a referral for intensive treatment. The case was dismissed.
Two months later he was arrested. He got a probation officer.
He violated probation. He was given more probation. He got arrested he was sent home.
For six months he took and sold drugs. He got caught. He was assigned to DYS. They set a curfew for him. Three days a week they called to see if he was home. When he wasn't they yelled at his mother. She yelled back at them that no one was helping her. They hung up.
Now, four years later, he is sixteen. He got thrown out of his third school. He needs an expensive treatment school, should be a residential. No one will pay for it because they don't like him.
It's true, he doesn't have a lot of charm. But with structure, guidance, clear rules and positive consequences, and some reasonable medication he could do well. I can see that in how he has learned to respond to me. But I can't do enough in an hour or two a week.
But they are waiting for him to be seventeen. Then he will be caught doing something stupid, arrested and tried as an adult. Then he will be put away and never have a chance to be sane, happy or productive.
Incarceration for thirty of his next sixty years will be much more expensive than three years of intensive treatment now. But no one wants to front the money.
6 comments:
how very very sad
You mention many people entering, and then exiting this kids life after dad left. My wish for this young man would be to see dad step up to the plate and help his son. Deciding to leave a marriage shouldn't include leaving one's child or their responsibilities to him/her.
Way too many of these kids around.
I see this every day. It is immoral that this can happen in our country.
If the parent hired a good lawyer he would have been placed in residential. Parents have to fight to get what their kids need, but most don't have the skills, knowledge, or funds.
My mom and I were discussing teenage life via IM recently, and we agree that traditional schooling requires all teens to fit into a box at a time in their lives when the nature of adolescence is pushing them to find their unique identity. Kids who go to special schools, (this kind of schooling in European countries is common), that cater to their interests, learning styles, and goals, are more cooperative, hopeful, and ultimately successful. Wow, what a concept, huh? When will the world ever get with it?
geesh that is sad, but I am afraid much more common than we realize.
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