The men

I am currently seeing a lot of couples.  I think it's related to the recession; stress is high, tempers are short, a lot of people are in tougher circumstances.  What's worse is that many of these people thought they were doing things right but working, trying to watch expenses, trying to plan step-by step for a house, a car, a kid, a vacation.  But then someone lost a job, or lost the over-time or the expected bonus, and the stock market went down, or someone got sick, and suddenly, ever expense is a hurdle and life isn't as much fun any more. And that makes them angry.

So, blame your spouse!  That's the easiest solution.

With the couples I see the men are of two very distinct varieties, either too loud, too active, too controlling, too quick tempered, and either border on being abusive or sometimes go over that line.
Or else they are the opposite; too passive.  The can't decide, don't fight, don't respond, freeze-up in a crisis, and would rather watch TV and hope the problem gets solved, usually by the wife.

I guess the men in the middle have figured out how to deal with difficulty either by making a decision and getting things done, or by doing what they are told to do.  I do believe there are some people who actually do both. They can negotiate, collaborate, come to an agreement and then act.  All of that is great if it happens but it isn't always necessary.

In the cases I see the therapeutic interventions are easy, either:  cut the shit, or get off your ass.

Easier said than done, but the direction is clear.

The women are not without their own difficulties, but are much more varied in how they act out their angst.