She asked......

Ok, so that craziness and symbolic dance to please the powers that pay for it is over.  The National Parks are open, so that helps me, and others will get their food stamps, Head Start visits, cancer treatments, cosmic research, NSA surveillance, EPA protection, meat inspection, and paid for developing a big stealth jet that will never be finished.

I will be off to Yosemite soon, to visit a place I have always wanted to see.  I did not expect that it would be part of a political statement.  But, as I said in my Listserve post:  Nothing surprises me.  Nothing is too absurd, especially when it is exploitative, when those who have tell those who don't that they should suck it up.

Meanwhile I have been slowly responding to the hundred of questions I received last month.  people seem to care.  When I finally respond, most of them respond to my response, which is nice.  I now have a couple of hundred new email pals from all over the world.

Here is one example, here is only a part of what she wrote:

I am dating a man, actually engaged to him, who has "cheated" on me several times...cheated by engaging with women/old flames via social media twice in two years (suggestive texting)...and once he snuck off to go dancing, where he met a woman, and kept the flirtation going (no sex/only kissing) for a few weeks before he ended it.

All smoke and no flame, I guess you could say.  But I don't like it.  Not one bit.  

I responded:

Good question; sorry for the delay in responding.

My thoughts: (and read every disclaimer possible into these)
If he really, really is only doing these flirtations on-line, or by text, and he really wouldn't act on them if given the chance  (can anyone believe that? even him?)  But if that is true, then you have to remember that he is fifty, and I remember that as a dangerous age for men. It is really a time when we don't want to feel as if we are slipping into irrelevancy.  We are too slow for basketball and have to play "Senior" sports.  It's all about still being attractive.

But, if it really makes you uncomfortable, and you are worth it to him, he should be able to control it.  You can confront him gently.  Tell him how much he means to you and how much this makes you feel queasy and how you think less of him and his insecurities.  And also tell him that if it continues, you will not only leave him, but that your parting shot could make him unable to operate for a couple of months.

Give him that whole " hell hath no fury..." routine.

Forgive me for taking so long to reply, but I received hundreds of questions, and I still have my day job so it is taking me a while to get to them all.

All the Best!

Misguided Angel

I don't often give alive, mostly because it never works.  But I will offer this up anyway, just because  there are some things I have learned.

If you are a parent, grandparent, close friend, teacher, or other important person in the life of a young woman between 12 and 19, and you see that she is  becoming overly attached to "bad boys," then do whatever you can to get her away from him, and then find out why she does this to herself.

Now, this won't be easy. There is no more unquestioned, loyal, unexplained ridiculous love that that of a fifteen year old girl-- remember the original Juliet?  And fifteen year old girls never listen to their mother, especially mothers who have done the same thing.

Yet, you will save this woman, and everyone in her family many years of aggravation and heartache  if you can pry her away.

Tell her if she wantss to be a savior and a social worker she will be underpaid enough.