Here it its. This is really the question that you're all waiting for. There have been about 16000 books, +/- written about this. Now, as I age slowly, but not enough to not notice or not care, I can spot the problem within seconds for meeting a new client.
The question: Why do so many really attractive, smart, capable women, take-up with and then stay with, and then return to, such obvious losers.
As I said, this is not a new question. But it remains a major supplier of my business.
Today's example is Laura.
Going into this we knew that Laura has brought some problems of her own. They would more than fill a book, and I won't do that here mostly because she is already doing it herself. I am not sure if she has a publisher but she has told me that her writing professor wants to help her get it published. Knowing what I do know about Laure, and really, I know more than anyone as I have seen her on and off for ten years, I believe that if she is honest and explicit, that her book covers will melt.
Anyway, after a couple of early marriages Laura put together a solid career, taking in and tossing out guys every couple of years, as none of them were up to her standards. But now, she hooks up with a charming, semi-successful but on his way down, manipulative alcoholic. Their relationship began about a year and a half ago, and since then her life has been a mess.
He calls her, she leave work, they drink, they screw, they fight, they break-up. She won't talk to him, He begs her, he haunts her, she refuses. He calls again, and again. She gives in. She leaves work, they drink, they fight, they screw. He won't talk to her. He leaves town. She calls him. She begs him. He refuses. She doesn't get out of bed. Her kid cuts school. She cries. He comes back. She runs to him. They screw, they drink, they fight. He leaves. She smashes his car window. He calls the cops. They arrest her. He bails her out. They get back together, they drink, they screw, they fight.
Now she is frantic, crazed, drunk, ends up in the hospital. The doctors explain to her that she needs to stop this cycle. He is not good for her. She agrees. She gets out of the hospital. Stays sober. Stays away from him.
Two days later she calls me up. She is better off without him. she says. She thinks she that if she saw him again they would drink and fight, but...
Maybe if they stay sober and come to see me together I can help make it all work.
What are the odds of that?
I'll let you know what happens. I feel the prospects for success with them are about as good as they are for Bush sending more troops into Iraq.
5 comments:
Interesting....
Very intriguing post
For a moment I thought you were talking about me. But then I noticed you were talking about "attractive, smart, capable women."
Women like me rarely consider themselves to be "attractive, smart, capable", which is probably why we feel a loser is all we deserve.
LOL! ROTFLMAO. IMO - it all relates back to a girl's relationship (or lack thereof) with her father. And how her mother enabled the father's behavior in some fashion. Read: codependent mother; alcoholic, emotionally unavailable father. Just one example. Not that I speak from experience, right? ;)
PATTERNS.
Whether newly acquired or the product of faulty role models, she's bound to keep repeating them, which is good for business!
There's no way either one of them can change the course of their relationship or the outcome, unless they're both fully committed to undergo intensive behavior modification treatment, on top of AA meetings...
And more often than not, the willpower to undertake such a monumental task is just not there...it's so much easier to keep on keeping on!
And I know that being as thoughtful as you are, you'll remember to send her a thank-you postcard for contributing to your retirement fund!
Some people I tell ya!
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