First of all, I wasn't feeling that great. I had spent many hours this weekend helping my niece with her one-year old kid. The kid wasn't feeling too well. He was throwing-up and shitting all over me. But he was sweet and soft and he cuddled up to my shoulder and let me feel parental once again.
That's fine, but by Monday I was enduring some of the same symtoms, so by the time I saw Max was in no mood to be too understanding about stuff that is incomprehensable, and inaccurate.
He came right at me, saying I had upset him last time by telling him he had over-reacted to a woman he had met on-line. He felt that what she said to him would upset anyone. But I countered quickly by saying that in the scheme of his life, any conflict he ges into with someone he has never met shoud not take up sixteen seconds of his energy when he is faced with the huge task of getting every aspect of his shit togeher. I told him that, as his therapist, I am professionally disgraced by his lack of progress. I will not agree to collude with his crazy ideas.
This insulted him ( a blow to his narcissism) and he said that he was always proud that he never had crazy idea. He was in very good touch with reality. He knew what terrible shape he was in, and that was why he often thought about suicide. (Trying to pull out a trump card).
But I know this guy is too much in love with himself to every do himself any harm. So I agreed that he had an accurate perception of what was going on, but he had no idea of what he was going to do about it. If the bus is coming, and you see that the bus is coming, and you don't get out of the way, then you're not going to do very well.
So he cracked. He agreed that by next time he would have two short-term and one long-term goal listed on a piece of paper, and we would work, in a very structured way, about how to reach those goals.
BUT, he is not one to capitulate too easily. He called today to ""check" on when his next appointment was. He asked if maybe we could move it back because he already having trouble getting started. I told him he either came in with the list, or with a good understaning of why he couldn't do the list, or he didn't have to come back at all.
We shall see. He may punish me and not come, but I don't think he will give up so easily.
1 comment:
Therapy, just like going to the gym, seems like a no-brainer when you need help. Such an easy and do-able thing for anyone who wants help. And so many people have such an eff-ing problem with it. They want help -- but are FULL of excuses. And shit. Max reminds me of my last five clients. !!! The weekend is almost here though...;)
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