Thrusday's mothers

I was going to write about Bill, but he can wait.
s
I came home last night really struck by the current state of motherhood, or at least how the previous generation conceived of the role -- or even the way they continue to carry it out.

I saw many people yesterday, and with almost all of them some interactions with their mother came up, either something recent, or in the past. Of course I do that a lot in psychotherapy because it is your parents who play a large role in how you begin to think of yourself, and in how you first think the world works.

I have taken just five of the mother's discussed to illustrate what I mean:

Mother #5
This mother was working part-time as an office manager for her daughter. The daughter was running around a lot trying to sell stuff. She had had a lull in the business but then had a good month and made sales. But she needed a couple of new machines in the office to make it run better. Being a little short on cash she used a credit card that she holds jointly with her mother. She charged up about $2500 and figured she would pay it back when the money from the new sales came in, about six weeks to two months.

The bill came to the mother, which was a surprise to my client. Two days later the police came to the business and arrested her for fraud. She didn't know what they were talking about. Her mother, when confronted, said that her daughter had not properly informed her of the transaction.

Mother # 4
This also happened last week. One of my clients is recently engaged for the second time. Her parents came up from Florida and her new future husband wanted to impress them by taking them out to a nice dinner. After a couple of drinks my client's mother turned to her next future son-in-law and said. "You know, Sally's last husband left her because she cheated on him. I hope she doesn't do that to you. You seem like such a nice guy."

Mother #3
My client has been sober for three months now. He is still living back at home since his divorce. He has found a good job in a bank and has been there over a month. He came home late Wednesday night after a meeting. As he walked into the house he was greeted by his mother. She offered this for support:
"Now you think you're mister fancy-pants because you have a dress-up job. Well, you're still a drunk to me, just like your father."

My client was cool, and responded, "I'm glad you don't drink Ma It would probably kill you after six or seven Oxyies.

Mother#4
My client was remembering coming home from Jr. High. He had moved to a new school and was having trouble making friends and with some of the work. His mother had been a very smart woman who had helped him with his homework in the early grades. But now when he came home she was usually walking around the house with a hammer trying to find where the voices were coming from and to kill them. He said she smashed half a dozen TVs.

And Mother #5
My client still has panic attacks. She ran into her mother who still tells her just to get over them. The mother told her that she has been telling her that since she was a eight years old and would spend hours being scared and crying. The mother pointed out that their was nothing to be afraid of, and that my client was alive and healthy and had wasted all that time being anxious.

My client pointed out that what scared her was being left alone all weekend when she was nine, and having to cook and take care of her younger sister and brother while her mother when off with different men.

Her mother answered that she had always asked her if she wanted to come, but she never did.

I can list many fathers who are no better.