A Holiday Hint, from me and Rosanne

        I would like to begin by wishing everyone a happy, and healthy holiday season, whatever your holiday may be,  I realize that for many the holidays are full of stress and expectations.  There are already many excellent pieces of advice and guidance posted all over the Internet.  They range from how to deal with your crazy uncle to how to deal with your turkey trauma, and how to come out to your family on the holiday. Read them carefully, and take from them what you can.

I have been a psychotherapist for over forty years. I believe I have seen or heard about almost every aspect of the human condition by now.  I still get surprised from time to time, but I don’t think there is anything that one human could do to another that would shock me.  My view of interpersonal behavior is that it is often distressing and depressing, but just as often it can be uplifting and inspiring. 

Over the years I have gained a great appreciation of how complex human behavior really is.  All of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are shaped by so many factors, both within us and around us. And all of these influences are interacting with each other all of the time. Nothing stays static, there is never a break, life continues.  It is usually almost impossible for us to really understand why we are acting or reacting the way we are at any certain moment.

I often quote one of my favorite philosophers on that subject, many of you may remember her, the great, and unfortunately late, Rosanne Roseannadanna.  In almost all of her short philosophical statements she would say:

“It goes to show you, it’s always something.  If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.”

To that I would add that it is often more than one thing; it can be many, all at once.   You get demands, ideas, expectations and affection  from your parents, your spouse, and your kids.   This happens at the same time that good and bad things are going on with your job or at school.  The immediate state of your health can make things dramatically better or worse.  Other things, such as your friends, your house, the weather, and your finances also are playing a part.

This is especially true during the holiday season. This is a time full of a constant stream of emotions,both positive and negative, which are more intense than usual. There may be feelings of inclusion and feelings of exclusion.  You may experience feelings of great joy, but they can also be mixed with strong feelings of sadness and loss.

The only advice I would like to give is very general: take good care of yourself.  You can do this by being more aware of what is going on around you, and who is doing what to whom.  Try to anticipate what will come next and prepare a way to deal with it.  And, once you are feeling mostly okay, then take good care of those around you.  That’s really what all these holidays are about.