Good Bye "Rita"

I went to work again today.  I am doing clinical work on an almost weekly basis.  I am trying to help a limited number of patients get where they want to be, and still carrying a few others who will never get there.  Today I said good bye to one of those who fit into the later category.

"Rita", ( all the details have been changed) I will call her, is even older than I am, and she is in much worse shape physically. I first saw her over thirty years ago for a brief period of time.  I saw her five years after that, and ten years after that, and finally, three years ago she really came to see me on a regular basis.  Last year I saw her only four times as she was physically unable to get to my office.  She was brought to this last appointment by her son, and she hobbled in on a cane.

Rita first came to see me on the insistence of her doctor who told her he would commit her if she didn't keep her appointment.  In those days it was much easier to send someone, especially a woman, into the hospital, and they would often stay there for months.  She was one of those women who was well known around the community.  Some thought she was volatile, others just called her nuts.

She always dressed very provocatively, which made it difficult for people to realize how smart she really was. She ran her own insurance agency and she knew her business well, and ran it honestly.  But she was ultra-sensitive to personal slights, and was overly suspicious of people's motives.

Over the years she came to trust me, mostly because I helped her stay out of the hospital.  She finally let me know about many of the thoughts she had about who was plotting against her, and how people took advantage of her.  I came to understand that the lines between what was real and what was distortions were very slight.  She wanted attention; she wanted affection, many people took advantage of that.  Because to that her fears and suspicions became exaggerated over the years. The more distrustful she became the nastier she was to people, which, of course made them pull away from her and avoid her.  She knew they were talking about her, and they were.

Now she lives in the back room of her son's house.  She hides from her son's wife.  Her only consistent contact comes when she talks to her former husband on the phone.  She pushed him away years ago.  He didn't want to leave, but now he is down south and won't come back.

The last few times she came in, including this final one, she retold some of the earlier stories of what had happened to her, how people mistreated her, and how she had responded.  It is fascinating to see how those stories have changed over the years.  In this last retelling she now recalls events as having much less conflict than in her earlier accounts.  She also has a much more positive memory of how she acted in many situations.   She now remembers herself as avoiding trouble when before she had been the victor in epic battles.

This may be because she no longer feels the power of the anger she used to have, or she just as mellowed and wants everyone to remember her as quiet and sweet.

We had a comforting last session.  We reviewed a lot of what we had been through together, but now we can leave it all in a more comfortable context.

Her children, who battled with her for years, and whose lives she certainly made very difficult, will all be with her for the holidays.  For her that it is Shakespearean: All's Well That Ends Well.