Back at work

I took three weeks off and came back yesterday. 
Being off was more difficult than I thought.  That is not a good thing.

Part of the problem is that we went down to the beach house and opened the doors and people poured in. All good friends, some we hadn't seen for years and others from around the corner.  Most stayed for a night, or two or three, even four.  It was great to see everyone but it was not the way I usually escape, which is to sit and make sure the tide is on schedule and not talk to anyone.

But that was only part of the difficulty.  The other part was that, while most of my friends are doing quite well, many of their kids are not. This seems to be common, and distressing and too much like work, except that I can't do much about it. 

These "kids" to which I refer, range in age from 24 to 38.  One needs an operation and had to scramble to get health insurance.  Another probably has the early signs of a chronic, debilitating disease.  Those situations are distressing.  But even more common are the kids who are struggling to find a decent job, to grow up and be independent.  The problems are much more economic than psychological, but they become psychological, and are very distressing to their parents. 

What becomes worse is that these kids either don't get married, because they can't afford it, or the marriages are falling apart, to a large extent because of economic pressure.  When the marriages fall apart many of the kids come back to their parents.  Many of them bring their very young children.


This is not good -- not good for the grand-kids, the kids or the people my age.  It's not good for the country or the world.  It didn't help the vacation.

Back in the office, I began seeing the patients I had been away from for three weeks.  I wondered if my business would last or if the recession would change things even for me.  But today, the second day back, I got several calls from people looking for help.  The issues they want deal with involved themselves and their grown or almost grown kids.  They needed to find their way in the world; they needed jobs, AND, to fight the boredom and depression many of the kids between 16 and 26 have been taking Percs and Oxys to ease the pain -- the psychological pain.

Things are not good out there , and once families begin to struggle the drop in quality of life can be swift and steep.  

This is not good.  But at lest in my office I can try, at least try, to do something about it.

new look

I had last seen her about three months ago. She had come in with her husband to give it one last try. They had come to see me over ten years ago to work out what was missing from their marriage. At that time the kids were young and she was struggling to hold it all together.

They came back last year with the same complaint, She said she knew he loved the family but he had never figured out a way to show it. She had raised the kids while he worked at his job and on the house. She had gone to work and made friends while he had gone to work and worked on the house. She had invited him out to do things but he worked on the house and watched war movies and The History Channel. She had gotten depressed, took several medications and went to bed and he worked on the house and watched war movies and The History Channel. Two years ago she went on the computer and found a Christian chat room. She began to talk to people who listened to her problems and encouraged her to work on her marriage. He worked on the house and watched war movies and The History Channel.

When they came back to therapy she had told him many things she hoped they could do together, including having sex. He said he loved her but didn't know if he could change and didn't like to be told what to do.

I didn't see either of them for three months.

She came to see me yesterday. She was at least twenty pounds thinner, had her hair done, put on some make-up and was colorfully, but appropriately dressed. She said she had been to a lawyer last week and was moving out after Christmas. She had lost weight because once she made the decision she felt elated, went off her anti-depressants and walked three miles a day. Without him she didn't need any medication to cope.

She was looking forward to her new life. It is clear that she won't have trouble finding it --- although trouble may be what she is looking for.

When you're done, you're done, and often a new look comes with it.