Quick Fix

I am away from my office for a few weeks, wandering around near the water, doing a pretty good job of not thinking about those I left behind.

Down here I get to talk to friends, and friends of friends, and just see what they do and hear about what they think.  I don't have to do anything about it, which makes life much easier.

But what I hear can be pretty distressing, and that is, even more than before, people are going for the quick fix.  Psychotherapy seems to have lost some of its panache; it takes too long, it costs too much,  and it can be painful to think about the bad things, or to confront difficult problems.  These days it is much easier to find a life coach, a motivational speaker, a spiritual healing, an body-mind energy consultant, a brain-ionizer, a vitiman dispenser, or just a guru to show you the path.

Now, the quick fix has always had allure, for centuries.  But many years ago the fix seemed to be more through suffering, sacrifice and prayer.  Today it seems to be through self-indulgence, self-appreciation, fulfillment and money.  And who can say no to that.

The trouble is, of course, that the quick fix rarely works.  What these kinds of fixers seem to miss is that they are fighting against all of a person's biological history, genetics, family history, interpersonal history, cultural and sub-cultural patterns, and financial resources.

Usually the effects of a weekend pep-talk and a few exercises feels really good, and lasts for anywhere from three hours to three weeks, sometimes a couple of months.  But almost always, those entrenched thought and behavioral patterns creep back in and take over.

However, the bigger problem is, that psychotherapy also, often takes a great deal of time, and still isn't that effective.  That process too has to fight against all of a person's biological history, genetics, family history, interpersonal history, cultural and sub-cultural patterns, and financial resources. Some of these we can confront and work through, others, such as genetics, social class, finances and sub-culture, are often cannot be influenced by verbal interactions that happen in an office for an hour 9 now 45 minutes according to most insurance companies), a week.

There are things that I would strongly recommend that a coach can be necessary;

-- Sports

-- Financial planning

But, with both of those, be careful, find someone with a successful history, the longer the better, and make sure that what they said they did really happpened.

Another Times Article

This Sunday in the NY Times Magazine section there was an article called "What Brand is Your Therapist."  It was clever and well written.  it covered some of the same material that I covered in my talk last month at the state conference.  People seem to notice that the"worried well" as we called them back them, are moving away from psychotherapy.  Part of that is because of restrictions from insurance, but most of it is because the lifestyles of people under forty are very different than they were forty years ago.

People expect information much faster  They expect much more action, and less thought.  They seem much more concerned about specific problems than the general overview of things.  Also, I think family life for them has been very different.  It is difficult to sit and talk about what your parents did to you when there have been so many people in your life -- other family members, step-parents, day care providers, coaches, teachers, and more.

Also, people don't work on weekly schedules as much.  Regular appointments are much more difficult to keep.  I have many clients who have to travel two or three weeks a month.  Also there are so many late or early meetings because of global teams, that it is difficult to keep a regular meeting time.

Unlike the woman who wrote the article, I have a very full schedule and have had for twenty years. Part of that is because many of my patients are not the "worried well."  Many of the people I see have been crushed or confused by circumstances, society or biology, or combinations of all of those.  They need to see a Psychologist, not a coach, or a guru, or a branded expert.

If your kid is throwing temper tantrums perhaps it is worth it to try to just call a "parenting coach."  If a month later the kid is still screaming, and you and your spouse are battling, and you life is spinning out of control, perhaps you may realize that things are a little more complex than they first appear.