Most of us know about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Before you can build up to using your full potential, he hypothesized, you need to have your basic needs met, beginning with food and shelter, and working your way up through acceptance, love, and esteem, until you can feel totally free and secure, and then you can "self-actualize."
It was a good idea, popular and easy to understand. It really was never supported by research, as it seems many people can skip some steps, while others get stuck enjoying the food, shelter and sex level.
But whenever I have been asked about what motivates people now, in the 21st Century, and I believe (again, with no real research to back it up) that the big factors are Love, Money, Power and Sex. Possibly today, with the way the world is, Fame, could be added as something many people seem to desire. Being famous for being outrageous and making a sex tape, seems to be worth as much as bringing peace to the Middle East or curing cancer.
The other things about Love, Money, Power and Sex (Fame), is that they are so tightly combined. People want to be loved and respected. Money almost can buy love, Power can bring Sex, Sex is related to, but isn't quite Love. Money is almost Power. Men Love women who are attracted to Money and Power and will have Sex because of that attraction. Some women like to obtain Power to attract Sex partners, some get Power so they don't have to have Sex. All of this is intertwined and everyone gets involved.
A lot of orthodox religions seem to have a lot of doctrines relating to Power and Sex. Almost all give the Power to men, to determine who has Sex.
So it is never too shocking when Powerful men, politicians, generals, business tycoons, movie stars, get swept up in the excitement and the glory of their position, and end up combining admiration, Love, lust and Sex all in one bundle and find themselves enjoying the company of beautiful women twenty years younger than they are.
It's a terrible fate that ends up in scandal. Everyone loves a scandal, and they all involve Love, Money, Power and Sex.
So now, I am looking for someone to write my biography. Preferably a women in her mid-thirties -- but older than my daughter, with a knock-out body and a good vocabulary.
When I raised the idea with my wife she just said "good-luck with that" and then she added that she would like to edit the book before it gets published to keep it real.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
no diagnosis?i
I recently began seeing a new person for therapy. He is a tall, handsome man, which adds to his problem.
His problem is that he likes sex. That is not so unique to him, but he takes it to an extreme. He thinks about sex a lot. The idea seems to cross his mind with almost every woman under 80 he sees.
That may not be so unique.
What is unique is that he often acts on his wishes, and has a great deal of success in meeting his needs. His wife is mostly accepting of this, as are the women. The trouble is that he has run afoul at his work, in his neighborhood, and with others who have to deal with the atmosphere he creates.
He is now in danger of losing his job, his marriage, and of being dismembered by several men who were involved with some of the women he became involved with.
So I went to give him a diagnosis. I was looking for some kind of impulse control disorder related to sexual impulses.
But it's not there.
There are sexual dysfunctional disorders, but they area all about NOT being able to have or enjoy sex. Having too much is never seen as a disorder. There are diagnoses for fetishes, for sadism and masochism. But he is not like that. he just likes getting laid.
There is the diagnosis called paraphilia, but that is mostly a fancy name for necrophilia, which is sex with dead people. that's not him either.
Interesting.
too much sex, not a problem. Except for him it is.
Diagnosis: 312.10: impulse control disorder, NOS
His problem is that he likes sex. That is not so unique to him, but he takes it to an extreme. He thinks about sex a lot. The idea seems to cross his mind with almost every woman under 80 he sees.
That may not be so unique.
What is unique is that he often acts on his wishes, and has a great deal of success in meeting his needs. His wife is mostly accepting of this, as are the women. The trouble is that he has run afoul at his work, in his neighborhood, and with others who have to deal with the atmosphere he creates.
He is now in danger of losing his job, his marriage, and of being dismembered by several men who were involved with some of the women he became involved with.
So I went to give him a diagnosis. I was looking for some kind of impulse control disorder related to sexual impulses.
But it's not there.
There are sexual dysfunctional disorders, but they area all about NOT being able to have or enjoy sex. Having too much is never seen as a disorder. There are diagnoses for fetishes, for sadism and masochism. But he is not like that. he just likes getting laid.
There is the diagnosis called paraphilia, but that is mostly a fancy name for necrophilia, which is sex with dead people. that's not him either.
Interesting.
too much sex, not a problem. Except for him it is.
Diagnosis: 312.10: impulse control disorder, NOS
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
human brains, !
Our brains have evolved over hundred of thousands of years. This convoluted mass of protoplasm is one of the most amazing and complex structures that nature has produced.
Yet, in our present complex culture, some of the basic responses our brains have developed are no longer always adaptive. The process of deciding when to rely on the more intrinsic responses, and when to think about could be the best choice is a good deal about what therapy is about.
Example 1: Our brains have learned to size-up a situation quickly and choose a course of action. Is that shape a friend or a foe? Is it food that I can capture or a tiger that will eat me? The sooner you decide, and decide correctly, the better off you would be.
But, the world is more complex now. The person coming to meet you is a nice guy, but he wants something. There is now time to get more information. It can be harmful to take a position and stick to it as conditions change. You have to learn how to re-evaluate all the time.
Example 2: Brains have learned to take the short-term gain over the long-term. We act like we are rational and can plan, but under pressure we don't. There may be six antelope out in the field, but we will grab this one right here, even if it frightens the rest away.
So I said to him, "You're thirty-two years old and she is seventeen, how come you thought it was a good idea to have sex with her.?"
"Well, she was there, she made herself available, and it seemed like a good idea at the time."
AND it probably was a good idea --- at the time. But not ten minutes later. And now everything is a mess.
Yet, in our present complex culture, some of the basic responses our brains have developed are no longer always adaptive. The process of deciding when to rely on the more intrinsic responses, and when to think about could be the best choice is a good deal about what therapy is about.
Example 1: Our brains have learned to size-up a situation quickly and choose a course of action. Is that shape a friend or a foe? Is it food that I can capture or a tiger that will eat me? The sooner you decide, and decide correctly, the better off you would be.
But, the world is more complex now. The person coming to meet you is a nice guy, but he wants something. There is now time to get more information. It can be harmful to take a position and stick to it as conditions change. You have to learn how to re-evaluate all the time.
Example 2: Brains have learned to take the short-term gain over the long-term. We act like we are rational and can plan, but under pressure we don't. There may be six antelope out in the field, but we will grab this one right here, even if it frightens the rest away.
So I said to him, "You're thirty-two years old and she is seventeen, how come you thought it was a good idea to have sex with her.?"
"Well, she was there, she made herself available, and it seemed like a good idea at the time."
AND it probably was a good idea --- at the time. But not ten minutes later. And now everything is a mess.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
they had sex with other people
After poor governor Spitzer went down in flames it seems that it has suddenly become very trendy for people of note to go public with the fact that they have had sex with people other than the ones to whom they are married.
This comes as quite a surprise -- but only to people in this country.
America, born from the Puritan Ethic still can't seem to admit, openly, that most people really like to have sex.
Sex is programed into our genes so that we can keep the species going. Over millions of years we have evolved to really like something that is really necessary. If sex was like taking out the garbage we wouldn't have 6.4 billion people in the world.
Sex strengthens the bonds between people, it enhances self-esteem, it is a great tension release, it promotes harmony and it feels really good.
Most people, but especially men will not turn down an opportunity to have sex, unless the fallout is really negative.
The fallout is often negative, which is very good for my business.
I can't remember the source, but someone read a quote to me recently:
"The most powerful people in the world are rich while men and beautiful women."
This comes as quite a surprise -- but only to people in this country.
America, born from the Puritan Ethic still can't seem to admit, openly, that most people really like to have sex.
Sex is programed into our genes so that we can keep the species going. Over millions of years we have evolved to really like something that is really necessary. If sex was like taking out the garbage we wouldn't have 6.4 billion people in the world.
Sex strengthens the bonds between people, it enhances self-esteem, it is a great tension release, it promotes harmony and it feels really good.
Most people, but especially men will not turn down an opportunity to have sex, unless the fallout is really negative.
The fallout is often negative, which is very good for my business.
I can't remember the source, but someone read a quote to me recently:
"The most powerful people in the world are rich while men and beautiful women."
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