Tech 2 -- People real or virtual

This won't come as any real surprise to anyone who has been on a dating site, and many of my clients have told me many, many stories of their experiences with them, but I had the experience last week of turning virtual relationships into actual ones, and it was fascinating.

Years ago, at least fifteen, I met some other therapists at a psychology convention.  We have managed to find each other several times after that, at other meetings.  We have formed a group of about six of us, sometimes four can meet, sometimes it's a different four or five.  But those meetings for me,  happen about every three or four years and our fatherings last for about two, perhaps three hours.

However, we began to correspond on a small email list, and exchange ideas, comment on happenings and keep track of each others lives, both business and personal.  It's been fun.  They all seem like intelligent, caring guys, who share many of the same views I do.

Last week someone arranged for us to all meet to view a couple of games that we could enjoy.  We are all kind of sports nuts, all within ten years of age -- I am the oldest, and all from very different parts of the country.  We spent three full days together, watching games, talking, driving, drinking, eating, and just hanging around.  It really worked pretty well, considering that we really didn't know each other that well.

What was most fascinating was that, although I got along with everyone, what I expected from each of them, how I thought they would talk, interact, take stands, lead, follow, be funny, be smart, know stuff, make decisions,  be creative, be trite, all the ways that people interact ... I did not predict correctly.

People, all of them except one, were very different in "real" life.  If I had to rank order who I expected to get along the best with, my order would have been wrong.  What people say in emails, how they say it, and what it really means, sends a very different message.

As I said, people who have experiences with dating sites know this only too well.

A great virtual friendship has often been ruined by a brief meeting.  It's not the same. This did not ruin anything, but alot has changed.