Geez, times passes, especially when I do the same thing over and over, so I think that nothing, especially me, has changed.
I first saw this guy almost twenty years ago. He was about 30 then, He was lost and depressed. He was a smart kid, in a good job. His brother had just killed himself, which wasn't helpful, and his father had been very depressed also. So this kid was understandably worried.
I saw him regularly for a couple of years then. He got most things straightened out. Moved on to a better job, and carefully planned out his life. He would come back every two years or so, just to stay on course. I would see him four or five times. His course was very planned and very straight. Understandably, he didn't want to take too many chances, and he like steady reassurance.
He found a good woman. She had a few issues too, who doesn't. But they have stayed together. They never had children, I think because they both felt a bit too fragile. His brother was in the army, and now is "born again." If they talk it is only about Jesus. His sister wandered off into the Arizona desert, smokes pot and strings beads. His parents died about nine and five years ago.
Now he is about fifty. He has lived his life according to plan. He is well situated with a nice home in the city and a nice place in the mountains. He has cut back at work because he has plenty of money, well invested and his work has become very routine. He is good at what he does, but it is very business/business and not very intrinsically, interpersonally rewarding.
So, now what? He is again, kind of lost. He can walk and bike and ski. He can volunteer and teach reading and computer skills, but that attracts a few kids who hardly care. He would like to run kind of a non-profit thing, but they are over-staffed and under funded these days, and he has no experience fund-raising, or grant writing. He is smart enough to learn that, but it doesn't seem like fun.
Now he stays in shape, he's not sure for what. He goes to a lot of fund raisers because people invite him. As I said a few weeks ago: "Life sucks, send a check."
He has not yet found the cause he wants to set-up a web-site for.
"Lost, middle-age, well-off white guys" doesn't seem to have that kind of a pull on the heart-strings.
7 comments:
Olivia Soprano would probably say to him, "Poor you!"
sounds more to me like he's just plain bored and needs something to work at
Creating stuff helps. (writing, painting, etc.)
he should have an affair.
I imagine life without purpose would produce this type of hubris.
Therapist jobs provide many benefits and physical therapy is no exception. One of the biggest complaints medical doctors have is that they only get to spend a very short amount of time with their patients, sometimes as little as 10 minutes per visit.
Well off middle aged white lady here. Been there, done that. As soon as I was secure enough, my childhood trauma came pounding on my door and could no longer be 'moved on' from and had to be honestly and painfully experienced and worked through. By the sounds of this guy's siblings, my guess is that his childhood may hold some clue here. Or maybe that's just me. But I doubt it. I've met too many others like me to believe that. I'm just not that unique.
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