transitions, still

I was away.
I went somewhere it was warm.  That was very nice. I kind of freaked out when I came down to the poll and it was full of people doing water aerobics.  Some hot chick was leading a huge number of people, many of whom were my age, through a stress-less, non-strenuous routine of  lifting and rotating their own limbs. I ran away as fast as my aging knees could carry me.

But it was 81 degree there.  It is 8 here.  I am still wondering why I came back.

I came back because I have a full week this week.  I was supposed to keep cutting back so that I can free up a day a week to do other things.  I can collect checks from out government soon.  That should help defer the lost income.

But what will I do?

I am still very torn about how to manage my time.  There is so much to read and learn about, but to what end.  If I just keep it in my head, so what?

I could write more blog entries -- which I should, just to try and remain coherent -- but there is so much noise and confusion going on out here in the blogosphere. Everyone has an opinion, which is good.  But no one, hardly even me, pays attention to anyone else.  Yes, sometimes I do read one of your blogs, and sometimes I lean that you guys are doing something interesting, or struggling in a fascinating way, or just trying to get by, which is also fascinating.  Many of you are doing and trying new things, which is encouraging.

But when it come to really changing anyone's mind, not much really happens.  Everyone is a pundit.  Everyone has an opinion. Usually, everyone is wrong.

I also see that few people are really interested in big-picture things, and that is the way I think.  I am messy at details.  But the details are what is interesting. yet, it is really big picture stuff that could benefit from change.  Yet, what is also clear, is that it probably won't happen.  At least not the way that I want it. ( won't everyone just LISTEN TO ME!! )

It's too easy to slip back into work.  I can take more calls and take more cases and full up my hours, even if the pay gets worse and the obstacles to collecting that money become greater and more complicated.  I won't admit it but it has become more tiring to keep up a full schedule after all these years.

But as I cut back the work becomes less fulfilling because I don't get to take new people, and I get stuck with the more chronic, unchanging folks who will never leave me until I force them to go away.

Maybe I will just use the free time to watch soap-operas --- too late, their not on any more.
    Maybe I'll study astronomy, learn to cook better.
         Then there is this grandchildren thing.......

By March, I promise you (me) I will be working one day less a week. No more than 25 clinical hours. Got that.  Promise.

Let's see, wanna bet?