Interesting Question

He was upset.
Mostly upset because she caught him.  She had walked in many times and noticed that he quickly changed the site he was looking at on his computer.  But then she found the CD with the male-bondage stuff going on.

She was upset.

She wanted to know if that meant that he was gay.

He insisted it didn't.  He said he never had felt turned on by any live man, and he works with men.  The idea of actually touching, holding, and being with a man is something he never thinks about, and he doesn't  feel like he could actually be aroused by that.

It doesn't help that they haven't had sex in five years.

Really, and this is after an hour of talking to them, so this is a less than certain opinion, I don't think he's gay.

I think he is very anxious.  Real live women scare him. He found some excuse five years ago to retreat from her.  He found that getting turned on by porn was much easier, less threatening, and  less judgmental.  After a few years of porn he began to get a little bored and found several variations, and then variations on that.  Who knows, the next step could have been sheep.

The real question is can he get reoriented to appreciate real, live women?  Does he want to?

Does she want to?  That's another very important question.