just me, on vacation

It's dark out here in the desert. The stars are out, but they don't help much. The temperature drops to half what it was during the day. It is different than wher I live. I am certainly far away.

We have kind of a push/pull vacation. I like to wander among the cacti and the hard desert floor. I like to push myself up the sudden brown dirt peaks that rise out of nowhere and point to the sky. My wife likes to sit by the pool and have fancy meals at high end resorts and restaurants. So, we try to do both. part of the day here, part there.

We just had a big meal that cost more than the electric bill one of my last clients needed to pay,or else they would shut her off in the middle of the cold snap. She was about to ask uncle Bill for the money when I left town. But here we blew the dough on a very well designed and well executed meal, and a couple of shots of bourbon.

It always amazes me when I go away. What amazes me most is that wherever I go there are people living there who seem to be having fine, interesting, fulfilling lives, with the same ups and downs, stresses and successes as everywhere else. I mean, here I am in the desert, last trip I was up in Iceland, and both of those places seemed fascinating. Everyone looked interesting. What do they do? What do they think? What are their goals and struggles?

I realize that I would like to live in each place and see what it's like. I always pick up some real estate guides and mostly see that houses cost less every place else. I could buy a house half way up that hill and still have some money left to live on.

But I don't live here. I live there. And that's frustrating. What would my life be like? Who would be my friends? How different would it be? Why can't I get another chance?

I mean, here I am, middle aged (at least). I am pretty much who I am going to be, and that's fine. No, it's even better than that. I have a good marriage, a good practice, good grown kids. I like what I do. I have a couple of bucks in the bank. I wouldn't trade it.

But, that's what it is. I can't go back and be something else, just for variety. Maybe I could spend a couple of years with that hot-blooded senorita, and get drunk and have fights and leave her when she gets fat. Maybe I could speculate in gas-drilling leases and pay off a couple of Republican Congressman and we can all be filthy rich on ill-gotten gains, play golf and drink more bourbon than I do now.

But I won't do that. I am going to wander the desert for a couple of days and go back to the life I have constructed, piece by piece, line by line, mistakes and blemishes, successes and achievements.

I can see why the idea of reincarnation is so attractive. I just can't see how anyone can really believe in crap like that. I mean, it's a fun idea, but seriously?

One shot at it. That's all you get. Enjoy it as much as you can.