Correct. Right. Indeed, Exactly. That's what I'm talking about, what Amanda said.
If all we needed was to have the right things written out for us then all we would need would be Dr. Phil. He is smart enough, and knows that right things to say. He gets problems solved in an hour.
80% of the people who come to see me know what the matter is with them, and they know what they should do about it. They come to see me to figure out why they don't and how they can.
Hey, if you're overweight -- go on a diet and exercise.
If your boyfriend is mean to you, blow him off; get rid of him.
If you're in debt, stop spending so much money.
Panic attacks -- relax, take a deep breath.
Almost everyone knows these things. And they are rediscovered every five years as if they are a major break-through.
The conclusion is that people are not rational. They are not even close. All of us, for our own reason, go off in our own wrong directions and stay there.
But, as psychologists, we are scientists. We are supposed to know why.
Yes, for everyone it is different. We all are a set of unique interactions between genetic make-up, physical development, interpersonal interactions, environmental conditions, and culture, plus others stuff.
But, the point I am making, is that you can't ask anyone why they do the things they do. They can give you a rationalization, but not the whole reason. It's not rational. It's not logical. People really don't act in ways that are in their best interest, even when they think they are.
It's not close.
After we accept that, we can begin to figure out what is really going on.
5 comments:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today...."
That excerpt just came to my mind when I read that.
Yeah, we aren't very logical, are we? It would be nice sometimes if life were like math. 2+2 ALWAYS equals 4. It doesn't work like that though.
For me, what you are saying is right on, I know what to do, but wonder why I don't do it. And I know from past experience that until I ACCEPT it just as it is, there is NO WAY POSSIBLE to move past it.
We are not rational, yet we all have the potential to improve if we really want to. Unfortunately, all too often, the only way to motivate someone to change, is to have something really bad happen to them. (If we are lucky, we get sick and tired of being sick and tired, long before then.)
But you are right. No change can ever take place without accepting reality as it is that very moment. For some reason this also tends to be the hardest step.
I really dislike Dr. Phil.
Ha! I have never seen a therapist, but have often wondered if I should. This post made me think of how I handle myself when in a position of mental unrest. Once I realize that I am in a questionable state, I get out & pen & paper & walk myself through 'why' therapy. (I've done this since a teen)
Let's say, I find myself in tears during my 1+hr commute to work. I realize that crying over traffic is irrational. I ask mysel 'why' was I crying. I was frustrated & stressed. Why was I frustrated? because I was running late. Why was I running late? Because I had to stop & get gas. Why? Because I was too tired to get it the night before. Why? Because I worked late & it was cold, I chose not to. Why? Because I was unmotivated. Why? Because at the time, I didn't care about gas or getting to work in the am, I just wanted to get home. Why? because I value being home more than I value my job...
Anyway, you get the picture. What I find is that my irrational behavior is often based on a rational thought, a discrepency or clash of my values & that it all somes right back to me.
sp
somes should be comes in last sentence.
:)
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