vacation

So, I'm off.

I'm going away, not seeing any clients for a week. My wife and I are getting out of here just as the temperature sinks into the single digits. I will slink through airport security, trying do do my best impression of a gray haired middle aged man, not a terrorist. I can probably pull that off one more time.

We are headed Southwest, to the desert. My son is leaving for the high Rockies to ski, my daughter and her husband are going south to the sun, to be pampered. It's a family vacation taking place in every corner of the country but this one.

It was my wife who told me we have to go. I wouldn't have. I was just hitting my stride after the Holiday Season. This will throw me off schedule. The two week people have to wait three weeks. Some of the regulars are reaching critical junctures and they have to follow through, and I won't be there to prod, bully and cajole.

Of course, let's be realistic. They have all survived without me before, and certainly will now. Even L will make a list of everything that is damaged while I am gone.

I know that the tools of a therapist, especially one that doesn't push drugs, intense relaxation skills, or bio-feedback, are limited. All I can really do is listen, and then mumble something now and then. Of course, over the years, I have become a black-belt in words that pierce to the core of the matter, and in words that illuminate the mysteries of the life-span. But still, they are just words. Those are most of my tools.

I can also lean up or back at critical times. I can make eye-contact or look away. I also make strange noises that represent sympathy.

It is all part of forming a relationship. It is relationships that change people's lives. Almost all of the problems I have to deal with are basically the result of a relationship gone awry. Some way over the line, some just questionable -- but those questions can be very difficult to answer. No matter what medical, physical, metaphysical or even psychological diagnosis they come in with, most of what knocked them over was a relationship: their spouse, parent,child, sibling, boss, friend, neighbor,teacher, student, colleague, peer, or virtual-blog-communicator. It is that interpersonal connection that brings the most pleasure or pain.

But I will leave all that for a week. I will go with my long-time wife who, after all these years knows unconsciously how to bring ecstasy or despair with the just the curl of her lip. Of course, over time the reactions moderate, and sometimes I can skip the emotional part and just go buy dinner, but the power is still there.

We will see a couple of friends. I will also wander around where there is no one. I will let my mind expand to the rim of the canyons. Then I will hug some saguaro. They will remind me of some of the well-defended, somewhat prickly people I have met.

But at least I won't have to worry about whether or not they will change.