Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Linear Relationships

As I am sure you know, people are not always what they seem, which is part of what makes this all so much fun.

Here is another, very typical, very irrational scenario, which I am sure many of you have experienced. It is the kind that repeats itself often in my office. I call it linear relationships.

A linear relationship is the kind often referred to in country and western songs. It happens when A finds themselves hopelessly in love with B, but B yearns to give her heart to C, and so it continues down the line.

Today I was sitting in my office with a woman who represented B in this diagram. The somewhat surprising part is that this woman is in her early fifties, had been married once, along time ago, and was not, at least by her appearance, the kind who stimulated great feelings of lust in a casual observer. Yet, she sat across from me relating how two men, one very successful, and one very handsome were in hot pursuit of her. She described several steamy nights with each of them, and how they felt they could not get enough of her. In fact, her cell phone went off four times during the hour we spent together, as they each clamored in vain for her attention.

Yet, she said that although both of these men treated her like a queen, she was crushed by her inability to win the heart of another man. This was a man she had been with briefly, but he quickly moved on to another woman. Still she and he had remained friends, and he seemed to imply that soon he would come back to her.

In fact he had left that other woman, but before B could get her arms securely around him, he had suddenly been smitten by yet another woman. Sometimes he would come back to B, and allow himself to be seduced by her, since somehow, she was good at this (you really never can tell). But then he would tell B, as he was leaving her, how he was so frustrated because he could not get this new woman, who we will call E, out of his mind.

E, had a passion of her own, and this man could see it. It was shopping, and often with his money.

So, these unrequited loves continue. They go one for reasons that are very complicated and never reasonable. If any one of these people would turn around and appreciate the affection being thrown at them the whole linear equation would fall apart.

But the unattainable aspect of all of this yearning seems to be a crucial ingredient.
Yearning for the ideal that is in your head often seems to be much more satisfying than accepting the reality that is in your life. Or making the effort to make that reality better.

Reality, unfortunately, is full of real people. People who do not look like movies stars, who are a little selfish, sloppy, disorganized, insensitive, demanding, worried, whose teeth hurt, feet hurt, backs hurt, or (God forbid) turn out to be Yankee fans.

And yet they love you.

5 comments:

TGS said...

What a tangled web we weave.

CCC said...

good pt...

Amanda said...

Life is like a soap opera. Except that our passing rarely gets a mention in the 6 o'clock news...

Jay M. said...

Ha! Yankee fans...

You're alright, Therapist. :)

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit it, but it's human nature to want what we cannot have - the short supply, high demand - kinda like wanting a Wii really bad...being told they're not available...then when a shipment finally arrives, I stand in line overnight...trample others to get one...turns out the shelf's empty...or if I'm 'lucky' enough to get one, find out later that it has a lot of 'bugs'...disappointments ensues...but I can always wait for a new & improved version...when there was nothing wrong with my original Nintendo!

thank you for pointing out the obvious, which so often escapes me!!!