But then bad things happen and there is nothing to do but put them up here on a blog so that the world can see how much it sucks sometimes.
I've been working with this woman, Carol we will call her, for several years, mostly about her kids. I have mentioned her before but I don't remember what I called her then. She had a husband who left her for another man, and that didn't help her while she was trying to raise her sons. One of the boys is now in the army. I mentioned him before too. One is too anxious to attend school regularly.
While struggling with the boys and financial problems she became involved with another man. He liked her a lot but he couldn't stand the boys. Whenever he came over he would scream at them and they would scream back. That would end up with the boys braking things, like doors, walls or the stove. So, that guy finally left.
Then last spring she met another guy. She didn't want to get involved so she pushed him away. But he was persistent and he was good to her, and to the boys. He just kept hanging around. Slowly she began to accept him.
He was kind and supportive. He drank a little too much, and he sometimes didn't make much money, but when he didn't work he cleaned the house and fixed the holes in the walls. He was crazy about her and made her laugh.
Yesterday Carol was getting up to go to work. He saw her come out of the shower and got so thrilled to be with her that he made her late to work by luring her back to bed. While they were in the throws of expressing their affection he suddenly lifted up his head. He said he had a real pain near his temple. Then, she said, his eyes rolled back and he slumped over and died.
He was fifty-four years old.
Now what?
What did I do to deserve this? she asked on the phone.
These are questions I can't answer.
Life just sucks sometimes.
It will take a while to put even a few pieces back together.
5 comments:
what is this, the year of the aneurysm? i've heard of so many instances of this in the last six or so months. two weekends ago i was down in south carolina feeding dinner to a friend of mine from school. he's in a "light coma" right now. we were talking on Instant Messenger back in April, i was searching for a romantic little chalet in the mountains near my house for him to bring his girlfriend for a visit. he started complaining about a "damned week-long migraine" he'd been suffering. then he just quit talking to me. i figured he'd just gone home from work for the day or something. but no. aneurysm. that's just one of several, this year. nobody close, but still. makes me paranoid whenever someone says they have a bad headache. i want to start shining lights in their eyes and checking pupils, you know?
i hope she gets through the next year or so, that's all. until she can get some time and distance from it. sometimes, that's the only remedy there is - just time and distance. and distraction. preferably of the healthy variety. but even that is hard, it feels like disloyalty to go out and distract yourself and feel better, like it somehow devalues the loss.
it's so strange how grief is a dance you can perform once, and from then on out you never forget the steps again.
Shit Therapist. I haven't heard of aneurysms too much this year like the previous commentor, but I sure hear of nothing but heartache and troubles from so many this year. What the hell is it? Your practice must be double booming right now. It seems EVERYONE is having major troubles. I am sure sorry for Carol, not that it helps anything. I am sorry for everyone right now, but again, that does no good, does it?
Tell her I said to hang onto the times she made him smile just by being with him, and that she made a positive difference in his life. It won't help with her loss, but it might give her something to hang onto while going through this tough time.
Oh My GOD! And I mean it! Because it's precisely these kind of stories that have made me falter spiritually lately...
I just don't get it, from an intellectual and theological perspective, it seriously doesn't make any sense! And as a simple human being, I question it too, and even though resignation is somewhat easier to come by at that level, it's still not enough, because it's just too damned unfair!
Time. Tell her to take her time to mourn her painful loss. Time is all she's got on her side. I feel so sorry for her...
P.S. There's no way you can quit now!
Why?????
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