While that was happening...

I am still often amazed by two very obvious occurrences, which kind of shows how little I have matured over all these years.  First is the huge dichotomy between my work world and my home world.  I come from  a fairly stable background and, considering all the radical and unstable ideas that rattle around in my mind, I have lived a fairly measured and reasonable life.  In many ways I have made fairly conservative decisions, and they have helped me and my family life pretty well, avoiding major crashes, crises, turmoil and upheaval.  It certainly hasn't been perfect, and I can list a dozen or so bad decisions right off the top of my head, but really, compared to what I see and deal with on an hourly basis at work, my own life chugs along.  And still now, whenever I see a chance to take a big risk, make a major change, throw caution to the wind, fly in the face of reason, defy all odds --- I don't do it.  Sometimes I admire those who do and who can, but that admiration has faded over the years, especially the more I have had the professional responsibility to pick through the wreckage.

The second constant occurrence, which is related to the first, is that while I am away from work, wandering around through my reasonable, fun but not overly exciting existence, my patients continue to live their lives of chaos, destruction, pain, aggravation and foolishness. At the very same moment!

That means that while I was sitting on that deck, sipping a high-priced gin and tonic, watching the sun go down on a glorious day over Boston Harbor, many of my patients were doing their best to make my work more complicated. (I know that was why they did these things.)

Some of the troubles happen to some of the same people I wrote about on May 5th. One is Alice, who while I was feeling so good, was lying in great pain, unable to move, as she had a seizure in her bedroom and feel off her bed, smashing her good knee, and couldn't get up.

Also, Saturday night a couple who I had been working with, who had been trying to overcome serious disagreements, lost control, and began throwing things and belting each other.  She came to the appointment on Monday; he left the state.

At the same time, a woman I have been seeing for a long time, who had been doing so well over the last few months that she was only seeing me once or twice a month, became so frustrated by the pain from her various physical ailments, in her back, feet and knees, that she locked herself in her room and began to drink, after being sober of almost two years.  When she woke up the house was a mess, with many things in unfathomable places.

Yet another woman, a complete recounting of her history would include four Shakespearean tragedies, was home with her sons and two of her son's girlfriends when she realized her home was surrounded by the police SWAT team.  Seven officers came in and she expected at least two of her three n'are- do-well son's to be carted off, but no, they arrested the beautiful but ditsy girlfriend for breaking into a liquor store.  (she was back in the house five hours later).

Phoebe, who did not hurt herself when I was away, but still said she wanted to, spent Saturday night in a hospital, where she felt safe and is doing better.

Archie, who did not have the nerve to call the woman he had been chatting with on-line, spent Saturday night in his basement, watching porn.

Martin and Alicia, who I have been trying to get to spend time together instead of fighting about the kids all the time, left the kids with her mother, went out and had a good time.  Maybe next time they will figure out a time and place to have sex and be even happier.

Lia, who I had seen last year with her husband, came back to treatment by herself to tell me that she has left her husband, and that last Saturday night, while I sat on the deck, she was in NYC to reunite with her first love, from twenty-five years ago, when they were both seventeen in Toronto.

Lots goes on, all at once.