being away

I've been away.  I still am.  I went to the mountains far away.  That was away. Just me and my wife of many years.  We went up and down the big mountains.  Up, up into the snow. I rode a bicycle through the woods, up and down hills, on narrow paths through the trees and over the streams.  My wife got a massage.

Now we are back at the house near the ocean.  This is the place people come. We open the doors and have friends. That is good. It sometimes amazes me.  I didn't think I was that social, but this is fun.

I called in to my voicemail.  I had only fifteen messages now that L doesn't call any more.  They were mostly from people asking for appointments, telling me why they wanted to come and see me.

I am not in work mode, so my first reaction was "What the fuck are you telling me all this for? Your life is a mess and I am on vacation. Leave me alone.  Don't tell me about your substance abuse problems while I am sitting here getting drunk with my friends.  Don't fill my head with your relationship woes on my anniversary.

Then I heard a message that one of my younger patients was in the hospital for a rash act.  I felt sad. I thought of what i needed to do to help her learn to deal with being upset. I called and set up an appointment to see her ---

when I get back.